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digging through the different titles, assured that there was something like it, something as strong, and fearless, and i’m searching but there’s gaps in the landscape
a little girl wants to destroy herself in order to gain what her companion/fellow lab rat has, but is suddenly prevented from committing such violence (shedding of income, shedding of valued persons) by a reminder…
“do you want to play?” “no, i’m ok.” “why?” she looks at the clock. “it’s gettin’ pretty late.” “pretty late?” “yeah, i’m pretty tired.” “tired? tired of what?” questions like gunfire and a point missed….
it’s impossible to write this while listening to a sparkly variety of alternative country that inhibits sadness for a realm of near high school graduation combined with foreshadows of alcoholism and keen eager sex. THEN…
flies buzzing at waist-height, roaming suicidally at altitudes, a sun filled barren room of misery, a reminder of fantasy
there is a fear happening when the possibility of not feeling despair becomes despairing
i go further in hiding pronouns to erase words that may be signs (sign-words), erecting the dungeon’s walls, poles of nervous angry brittleness creation of a language that exists for one person relying on psycho-hackers…
The possibility of liking these roles, these dusty dark shrouds like Sorrow incarnate, hypnotizing and inviting you through the screen door into a grayscale reality maybe adulthood.